Death of a Legend

Rest in peace Richard Pryor (1940-2005), you are already missed.

Chick-Flicks With a Vengeance

Recently, a friend left a comment on this here blog in regards to my entry on “chick-flicks”. This comment, along with a recent happening at Best Buy, has inspired me to once again post on the topic. This friend, who shall remain nameless for the sake of making him sound more mysterious, attempted to define what a “chick-flick” is. And I quote:

“The best definition i can think of is a movie that inherently appeals to, and is marketed to a female audience. An addendum to that definition would be a film that is too girly for me to enjoy.”

Now I ask you, oh mystery friend, how does a company decide how to market to a female audience? What is it that has classified a movie “too girly” for you? What ideas and attitudes have led you to these conclusions? My answer would have to be the decades of brainwashing by the media from the moment you are born! Every aspect of commercialism and advertising has been given specific gender roles and characteristics. Things like having baby boys wear blue and baby girls wear pink. Or how about the mass industry of baby fashion? Where the clothes for boys are pretty much the same as for adult men but miniaturized as if to say “my baby is a little man”, while girls are dressed to look like little fragile princesses. What, I ask, is “too girly”? I guess the answer to that pretty much depends on the person, but that’s not even the point I’m trying to make here. My point, and what bothers me the most about the casual use of “chick flick” is that it is being used as a genre. It is NOT a genre. The genre of what most people call “chick flicks” is in fact a romantic comedy. “So what about those movies where all the lead characters are female?”, you might be inclined to ask. Well I’ll tell you. They’re a rare case of Hollywood stepping out of its sexist shell and believing that a group of leading ladies can carry a film.

Allow me to pose a scenario. Under what genre would you categorize a movie with the following plot:

Two disparate siblings who have lost a parent go on a journey of discovery as they come into conflict with each other in almost every scene until ultimately they see just how much they truly love each other and establish a bond like no other.

Would you say drama? Or would you say chick flick? Think about this one for a second, and then consider the following: when released under the title of Rain Man, the above movie went on to become one of the most powerful dramas ever put on screen. But, when this story came out as In Her Shoes, it was regarded as one of the most unsuccessful “chick flicks” to ever hit the movie world. It became the “what was Cameron Diaz thinking?” movie. The problem, all the “experts” said, was that it was too much of a girly movie. There is something seriously wrong with that.

So this is what happened at Best Buy. After I wrote about How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days here, they showed the movie on tv like 10 times in a week and I realized how much I really enjoy the movie. So I go to Best Buy to get that movie and anything else that might catch my attention. I ended up coming out with the classic King Kong Collection and How to Lose a Guy. This is how it all went down at the register:

Cashier Lady: [picking up How to Lose a Guy] Is this for you?
Me: Yes.
Cashier Lady: haha and you said yes! Are you serious?
Me: Yeah…it’s a great movie.
Cashier Lady: It’s a chick flick.
Me: Don’t get me started, I can’t stand that term. It’s a great rom-com.
Cashier Lady: [calling over the greeter] hey, what would you call this?
Greeter Guy: A chick flick.
Me: [to greeter guy] Chick flick is not a genre. A good movie is a good movie.
Greeter Guy: hey man, there’s no shame in it.
Me: hell yeah there’s no shame. I’m proud of buying this great movie.

True story.

You know what really bothers me? The fact that I just wrote this 700+ word post in about 10 minutes and it took me about 38 hours to come up with 480 words of my 1250-word essay due Wednesday.




...hold my watch, because if it breaks I'll kill everyone on this train

X-Men 3: Holy Crap

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my glorious pleasure to present to you some storyboards of the new X-Men movie tentatively titled: X3. As you may or may not know, Brett Ratner is directing this sequel. You may know him from Rush Hour 1 and 2, or Red Dragon. If you don't, then you're dumb. Normally, I tend to stay away from knowing too much about a movie I'm anticipating too much in advance. X3 would fall under the category of such a movie. However, when I found out about these storyboards, I just had to see them. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that if I really wanted to, I could find out about the plot in detail, but that is something i will most definitely NOT do. But, as these storyboards show, some pretty exciting things are in store.

The first trio are from a scene where Magneto is releasing a bunch of prisoners from their cells:

Man he rocks. Just look at him. Bursts through that hallway and just keeps on walkin.

The following pair of storyboards I'd have to guess also involve Magneto, though I can't actually see him in the picture. Can you guess what's happening in these pictures?

If you guessed that the above storyboards were depicting the destruction of the Golden Gate Bridge followed by its redirection to Alcatraz, then you were right! Good job. I don't know about you peoples out there, but that is going to be one crazy scene. The movie's not supposed to be released until May 26, 2006, so for all we know this scene may very well be cut by then. But if it's not, you can say you heard it here first...unless you didn't.



...drunk and tone-deaf, never a good combination

Search Entries Update

So here are all the search entries that have brought people to my blog since the last time i made such an update. I excluded "niblog" because it was coming up a lot, and upon further investigation, i discovered that it was my sister's doing. So here it goes:

- she makes a pez dispenser out of him
- curl http_referrer spoof
- over the river and through the woods music
- mahtab good charlotte
- www. the effect of first impressions
- band queen origin of name
- get paid to watch movie previews
- soundbytes from revenge of the sith
- over the river through the woods broadway
- muniba
- tyler goes to the bathroom
- what happened to chivalry
- clerks campaign slogan
- batman begins soundbytes
- antonia banderas

Tyler goes to the bathroom. That's just weird.



...he killed his whole family one weekend and then the next day killed five people that looked like his family

The Brink of War

That’s where we’re at right now and the masses don’t even know it. Allegiances have already been established. The two camps are ready for battle. In a few months time, businesses will be destroyed, companies will strike each other with poisoned tongues, people will pick sides against their own brothers and sisters, and the destruction will not end until one side succeeds in obliterating the competition. I speak of none other than the format war with the next generation of DVDs: the Blu-Ray and HD-DVD.

If you’re one of the losers who hasn’t been following all the breaking developments, then you’ve come to the right place. For I, too, am a loser and I’d like to welcome you. You’ve been missed. So Sony and Phillips began developing the Blu-Ray while Toshiba and Hitachi have been working on the HD-DVD. Both formats, by the way, have plenty of support from major companies…but more on that later. When you get down to brass tacks, the Blu-Ray can hold almost twice as much data, which obviously makes it a lot more expensive to produce. There have been plenty of unsuccessful negotiations between the two parties to try and reach a compromise. There were even talks of a Summit being held with all the major players. It’s pretty much gotten to the point of no return though, with each assemblage of companies gearing up for this inevitable all-out brawl. Ultimately, you will be the deciding judge in a battle the likes of which have never been seen. Not even Aragorn and his army of the dead can help us now. .

From all that I’ve read so far, my bet would be on the Blu-Ray. However, I am strictly against gambling…so if anyone who is reading this isn’t, just put down some money on the Blu for me. Thanks. Here are some of the reasons for my prediction:

1. Sony, its developer, will be releasing their PlayStation 3 in a few months. This piece of hardware will be the first machine to make use of the Blu-Ray. And if the PS3 can do everything they’ve been bragging about, well then…it won’t be pretty for Toshiba. Microsoft has said that it will eventually develop an HD-DVD-compatible version of the Xbox 360.

2. Blu-Ray has the backing of Dell and Hewlett-Packard, who together control something like 30% of the computer industry. Oh, they’ve also got Apple on their side.

3. It can hold more. Somehow they’ll find a way to stuff over 40GB-worth of information on them and sell them by the buttload because that’s just what we like. There’s no such thing as “too much” in the technological and/or entertainment industry. Sad sad world.

Honestly though, I don’t see how the image quality can get any better for movies. How much more detail do we need to see? At what point does sharpness become ludicrous? It seems like a change in the ways movies are actually shot would also have to come about. Having to take into account the fact that audiences will be able to see the most tiniest of pimples on the super sexy female in a resolution of 1080 really changes things.

Right now, it would make more sense to me if it was just strictly a video game format. Especially since the Blu-Ray can hold such a ridiculous amount of data. Now that I think about it, it may very well end up that way. Maybe the HD-DVD will win in home theater and the Blu-Ray in video game entertainment. Only time will tell.

I don’t know man. It’s gonna be ugly. Money will be the only deciding factor in this war. Godspeed. May the best coalition win.



...do you think the average storm-trooper knows how to install a toilet main

Chick-Flicks

So I really had no idea how long it had been since I last updated this baby until my sister left me a kindly reminder comment saying, and I quote: “Post something new! It's about time, no?” So I’m posting something new. I can’t think of much to say since I really haven’t had any reason for complaints lately. Not to say that I should ever have any reasons for complaints because I mean we should all be thankful and all that jazz, but yeah.

So as I said, I really don’t know what to say, so I’m going to step back a moment and mentally brainstorm some topics for a bit. If you’ll excuse me….
…Alright got one. At least a general idea: movies. Something that has always bothered me is the term chick-flick For some reason I’m thinking I might have mentioned this before here, cause I know it’s something I’ve been meaning to write about. But anywho. Chick-flick. Who the hell came up with such a horrible term? I have problems with this phrase on two levels. First off, I cannot stand the use of chick as a substitute for any of the following: girl, woman, female, she, her, gal, lady, miss, doll, missy, man’s opposite sex, man’s better half, wife, fiancée, girlfriend, and any other words I might have missed that are better than chick. For me personally, chicks have always been and will always remain to be the offspring of a hen and a rooster. Thusly, the only time you will ever hear me speak of chicks is when I recount to you the very sad tale of how my 3 pet chicks died in China. sigh.

Then there’s the compounded term in its entirety. Allow me to illustrate how it might be used in an overly generalized day-to-day scene:

Secure Man: Hey man, you ever see that movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days?
Stereotyped Man: What? Hells no. that’s a stupid chick flick! I wanna see bombs and #@!% blowing up!

But there are problems with that statement. Chick-flick is not a genre. No matter how much people want it to be, it’s not. It is simply an overused label which I believe was first given by irrationally insecure males who feared the ridicule their fellow hunter/gatherers could possibly attack them with for the enjoyment of a story regretfully believed to be only accessible to womankind. This is then further promoted by the monster known as the media; expanding its use to immeasurable degrees. Such is the sad sad state of the world we live in. Where people who claim to love all movies shut down and refuse movies simply upon hearing that it is a “chick-flick”. Like that’s a bad thing. A good movie is a good movie. That’s the motto I live my life by. There’s nothing else to it. Unfortunately, society has reached a point where it is a most heinous crime for a male of our species to externalize any emotion not directly related to anger, arrogance, or violence.

I had stepped away from what I was writing for several hours. I have no idea where I was going with all this, so I’m just gonna call it a night and post this as it is. Love is all you need.



...I take no pleasure in taking life if it's from a person who doesn't care about it

Batmania

So I’ve watched Batman Begins a few more times now that I have it on DVD. The movie just does not cease to amaze me. If you are one of the unfortunate souls who have not seen it yet, you really have to. Your life depends on it. I know I’ve mentioned this work of art before on my blog but I really don’t remember what I said. So if I repeat myself…then I’ll be repeating myself.

Batman. Batman, Batman, Batman. What mere words could I attempt to transcribe that could possibly do the legend justice? Like I was telling a friend earlier today, if I was getting a doctorate in psychology, I would write my thesis on Bruce Wayne and his alter ego, Batman. Of course, that would mean I’d know what a thesis paper consists of, which I absolutely do not. In speaking about the movie, I would like to present to you a numbered list of the things that the movie got right, ranked in order of importance. Knowing full well that this entry would be completely one-sided without the opposing view, I will also include a list of the things it got wrong.

Things it got right:

1. Everything.

Things it got wrong:

1. Nothing.

Apparently, people think that if you don’t talk about a subject very often, it automatically means that you do not like it. Contrariwise, if you speak of something regularly, it seems to be the consensus that it is the only thing you love. Such is the case of my affinity for both Spider-Man and Batman. They have both been at the top of my list pretty much at the same level. I allow this to happen because in the DC universe, I favor Batman. Meanwhile, in the Marvel Universe, Spidey is my character of choice. So now, I’m telling people how much I like Batman, and they shudder in horror as if there has been a mandate requiring all the peoples of the world to only pledge allegiance to one (super)hero.

One thing I will gladly admit is that Batman seems to have repeatedly gotten the most gifted writers in the business who have treated the character with the utmost respect that it so rightfully deserves. And it deserves nothing but the best. There’s so much I could say about Batman that right now I’m having a really hard time deciding where to start. You just have to read the comics and graphic novels to understand the glee I am engrossed in every time I open up a new story.

Like in The Dark Knight Returns and The Dark Knight Strikes Again, where Bruce Wayne is really old and pretty much single-handedly gets the world back in order. Oh, and along the way manages to beat the crap out of Superman. Or in No Man’s Land, where Gotham City is nearly obliterated by an earthquake and officially severed from the rest of the country. Meanwhile, the place is overrun by territorial gang warfare led by the Arkham Asylum inmates. And of course, Batman is nowhere to be found. Or how about Bruce Wayne – Murderer? and Bruce Wayne – Fugitive; where Bruce is framed for murder and sent to prison where he essentially kills off Bruce Wayne and becomes only Batman, all the while ignoring his circle of friends. And let’s not forget Knightfall, where Bane frees all of the inmates at Arkham to test the limits of the Bat with the sole purpose of breaking him in order to take over Gotham…which he does. That is, until the mantle of the Bat is passed on to Azrael who goes completely crazy and starts killing everyone. The beauty of it all just never ends.

If anyone is interested in reading any incredible Batman stories I strongly suggest the following as great starters:

By: Frank Miller
Batman: Year One
The Dark Knight Returns
The Dark Knight Strikes Again

By: Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale
The Long Halloween
Haunted Knight
Dark Victory

Those are just a handful of the plethora of insanely well-written and drawn story arcs in the Batman saga. If anyone out there wants more recommendations, just ask, cause there are plenty more.


...half a million dollars will always be missed

Tyler Durden as President

Tyler Durden is a modern genius.
Ranking him among the top 5 most influential thinkers,
he would fall half a notch below Aristotle.
Right above St. Augustine.
His campaign slogan let people know
that the first rule of voting is:
You do NOT talk about voting.
Oddly enough, that's the second rule too.
So now he's the President.
The new laws have impacted everyone.
If you want your license you must pass a test
which requires you to let go of the steering wheel.
You do not pass until you crash
into a ditch.
The Near-Life-Experience Exam is what he calls it.
His Fight Congress makes all decisions
depending on the outcome of fights.
So when the Gentleman from California
and the Gentleman from Arkansas
split the room into two ideas
a bare-knuckle fight is commenced to solve the problem
peacefully.
All they have to remember is their 6th Amendment:
no shirts, no shoes.
President Durden hope to rule the nation
for several more decades.
He needs the time to make the world he sees a reality.
Where the advertising of crass materialism is dead
and we can return to the bare essentials of life.
In the world he sees, we are stalking elk around the ruins
of Rockefeller Center.
In the world he sees, we are free to do anything
only after we have lost everything



...this little monkey could be the damn dirty ape responsible for the fall of the human race

Quick Update

I realize i have not updated this blog for quite some time. For now, I give you the search entries that have led people to my blog since the last time i posted such a list:

- lady death full story comic
- what happened to male chivalry
- chatting abbreviation
- waiting in line to see ellen degeneres
- batman begins in china
- what happened to male chivalry
- smell-o-vision, tv chef
- smell-o-vision chef
- tv chef smell-o-vision
- tv chef that would like smell-o-vision
- sean connery soundbytes

update coming soon.



...nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't

Get Lost

No, seriously. Go get it right now. Why are you still reading this? GO! Stop reading what I’m writing here, just do yourself a favor and purchase Season 1 of Lost on DVD. Your life depends on it. Trust me. It’s simply the single greatest show on television. J. J. Abrams is a creative genius. I can’t even contain myself. It’s impossible to stop watching this show. As a matter of fact, the only reason I’m posting right now is to kill time as I await my father to come out of the shower so we may resume the admiration of this modern work of art. Watching just one episode got him hooked on the show too. I don’t know what else to say about it. It’s not very often that I get this excited about TV shows. And forget actually purchasing it on DVD. I mean I tend to make it a point of buying movies. The only previous exception was Da Ali G Show…which was a gift. Yeah I got Season 2 after that myself, but still.

Allow me to try and put it in perspective. Perhaps those who know me are aware of how much I enjoy Stargate: SG-1 and always talk about it. Let it be known that I have never felt 100% sure of buying its seasons on DVD. But Lost…man, I just walked by the box set and I’d hear it calling me. I was able to fight the temptation for a week. Next time I went in there, it was too strong. It’s mine now. All mine. My…precioussssss…

So basically what I’m saying here is if you haven’t watched the show yet, start. And if you haven’t seen any of the first season...also...start. It truly is the one show to rule them all.

By the way if you checked this post yesterday it might be a little different now as i removed the star wars quiz thing...it was way too clunky. Basically all it said was that i'm Darth Vader. So what I really wanted to do was to reveal the answers to that poem i posted. Here they are:

Anchorman
Bill & Ted
Citizen Kane
Die Hard
Ed Wood
Finding Nemo
Godfather, The
Hellboy
Incredibles, The
Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back
Kill Bill
Lord of the Rings, The
Matrix, The
Notebook, The
Office Space
Pulp Fiction
Romeo & Juliet
Sixth Sense, The
Tommy Boy
Usual Suspects, The
Village, The
What's Eating Gilbert Grape
X2
Young Frankenstein
Zatoichi

Lost update: i finally finished the season last night and good lord was it great. For the first time in my life I almost missed class because of television. If it had happened, it would have been totally worth it.

...two people only hurt each other if they doubt the love they have for one another

Thirty and Seven

Kevin Smith is a genius. I can’t recall if I’ve ever really written about him here or just how much I dote on him. If you have no idea who he is, allow me to offer up a quick enlightenment session. Kevin Smith is the brilliant writer/director behind the following amazing films in chronological order: Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, and Jersey Girl. He also had a big part in getting Good Will Hunting made, albeit only as a producer. If you haven’t seen any of those movies, you haven’t lived. Or maybe you just haven’t lived long enough…cause seriously, if you’re under 17 you shouldn’t be watching them. I take no responsibility if you do. Anywho, what I love most about his movies is the dialogue. If I can develop my writing to become even half of what he can do with words, I will be a content soul. Sure, he tends to write about inappropriate subject matter, but he does so in the most luminous way. There’s no other way that I could describe the movies, you just have to see them for yourself.

Going along the same lines, one question I tend to get by reader of this blog is “hey, what’s with 37?” If you don’t know what I’m talking about, please direct your attention to the line of text directly under “The Niblog” at the tope of this page. See it? Good. It is an homage to Kevin Smith. Besides having the same characters appear in all of his movies – excluding Jersey Girl – he also has a consistently reappearing number: 37. I’m not aware of the history behind it for him, but I have made it my own lucky number. Sometimes I feel a little guilty and think about using 39 instead since it lies in between 37 and 41, which was the number assigned to Charlton Heston in Ben-Hur when he becomes a slave.

But back to my story. The other day, 37 kept showing up everywhere I went. This is how it all went down. Tuesday morning I wake up and go online to check my grade on a test. Turns out I got 37 out of 40. Way better than I expected, and a great number. Then after I was done with my classes, I go see my advisor to discuss what I should take in upcoming semesters. She tells me to go and apply to get into the School of Communications which is in room 2037. I chuckle to myself and head on over there and fill everything out. Soon after, I get picked up by my mother and head on over to Best Buy, but make a stop at Burger King first. The drive thru line is too long so I go inside and order my food. “Thank You, you’re order #137”. I couldn’t believe it, I look down at the receipt and there it was. 137. So then finally we head to Best Buy, where I purchased the movie that was just released that day: Mallrats: 10th Anniversary Edition.

Final thoughts: movies are fun. So fun in fact, that I made it the object of my second poem for my creative writing class. The criteria: write a detail/list poem.

From A-Z…Minus Q
By: Munib Rezaie

An anchor in the 70s who is in his prime
And two guys in a phone booth traveling through time
Are just some of the things you will find in this rhyme
A man whispers “Rosebud” with his last dying breath
While a cop from New York drops Hans down to his death
A cross-dressing filmmaker pursues his life’s dream
Until Dory finds Nemo in the final scene
So they make him an offer he cannot refuse
Not knowing Big Red was in the evening news
Where he monologued his way to his own demise
Before Justice could clear up all of her lies
Meanwhile O-Ren is sliced up by the Bride
After Frodo and Sam have climbed up Mt. Doom’s side
They are just in time to meet the Architect
Which brings us to the middle of the alphabet
A man reads from a notebook, a story for her
Though the guy in the cubicle just wants his stapler
So he has a taste of her 5-dollar shake
While the ill-fated lovers leave death in their wake
‘Till they meet a young boy who sees dead people afloat
And laughs at the fat guy in a little coat
But it turned out that Verbal was the mastermind
Who hid the elders’ big secret, except from the blind
So they burn down their house with their mother indoors
While the fate of the world’s left to homo-superiors­
Unable to escape his last name’s destiny
Or the blind samurai named Zatoichi

The person who is able to name all of the movies therein will win absolutely nothing. Instead, you will simply satisfy my curiosity in wanting to know who can get them all. Show me what you got.

...in our business, you're bound to rub out someone you know

Aspiring Writitude

So one of the books I had to read for my creative writing was Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg. She gives a lot of what I consider to be very good writing tips and exercises. One such exercise is simply writing. The steps are as follows:

1) Create a designated notebook for timed writing.
2) Allocate a specific time frame.
3) Write.

The only rules in this activity are that you cannot lift your pen from the paper until that time is up. Ignore punctuations and don’t cross anything out. What you’re trying to do here is get what she calls “first thoughts” out on the paper. Since the brain has an automatic censoring system, you’re trying to bypass that completely and just write the very first thing that comes to mind. Not what we pretend are the first things due to the whole censure thing. Obviously this takes longer to achieve for some than for others. I just did this exercise today for the third or fourth time and it automatically sorta came out in the form of a blog entry. So I thought I’d just post it. I gave myself 20 minutes. It’s kinda long…592 words according to MSWord. So feel free to skip the italicized part of this post if you just wanna read something about Guy Ritchie’s new movie Revolver.

It’s amazing how life changes so fast. No matter how much I talk about it or write about it, it n ever ceases to amaze me. Seeing an old friend today after a year of absence was great. We kept in touch mostly through text messages and AIM over the years. Actually that’s the only way we talked along with the occasional email. Finally we decided it was time to actually see each other and everything just picked up like nothing ever happened. No time in between where we didn’t see each other. Still talking about events that took place almost 2 years ago like they just happened 2 days ago. Then on the other side of the coin you got those people who you’ve talked to a lot on the phone and no matter how many times you see them, it’s just not a comfortable situation. Actually I think most people I know are like that. Specifically from my high school days I mean. This one person is one of the few of the former. You know who you are and I am eternally grateful for your friendship no matter how many times you have threatened to end my life. What a world we live in. So I’m thinking about writing a book. Humorously enough, people have been telling me that for several years and I just sorta went along in a joking manner. But now that I’m actually pursuing writing as a source of income, I am taking that proposition seriously. But then, where would I begin? That’s always been my biggest problem. Beginning. Where to start? How the crap am I supposed to know where to start? So usually by the time I discover a way to begin whatever it is that I wanna write, I already have most of the body of the composition figured out in one form or another. So we’ll see how that goes. I’m not even exactly sure what to write about. I have so many random anecdotes floating around in my head that to find a starting point seems impossible. Would I write about my travels and sojourns in different countries? About the people I believe influenced me the most? About the Baha’i Faith, which has undoubtedly been the single consistent strand in my life that has held it all together? About the women in my life? Ha. Or maybe about the insanities of high school drama? Got plenty of experience in that department. Or how about just movies or something? That might be fun. But it wouldn’t have anything to do with me. Oh well. We’ll see how that goes. If anyone could give me some suggestions would be fantacular. This writing exercise is pretty fun. Hopefully I’ll accomplish the goal of filling up at least one notebook each month. But then what? I’d just have a pile of dated notebooks. Notebooks which will be impossible to read, even by myself. My handwriting sucks and I have failed tests because of this problem. Not being able to read your own notes most definitely sucks. On a scale of ‘good’ to ‘bad’, this situation would fall under ‘most heinous’. And now my time is almost up. Three minutes to get to 20 minutes. Maybe next time I shouldn’t look at the time because then I’ll start writing about it. Like now. But this is not so bad. One sheet covered front and back in 20 minutes. 99 sheets to go and one notebook will be out of the way.

Hi again. Yeah so that’s that. If you skipped that, here’s the summary in the form of an equation:

friends = good
writing = good
however, friends ≠ writing.

So if anyone has any suggestions as to how a book can be written, please leave comments. Don’t let that word verification thing intimidate you. I was getting way too much spam.

And, as promised, a word on Revolver. I don’t know. I love Guy Ritchie and all. Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch are two of my favorite movies. I haven’t seen Swept Away yet. But I did see the trailer for Revolver and I can see his signature in the images and all. At the same though, it looks totally different. It feels a lot darker and more serious. From what I’ve heard, those dumb critics at the Toronto Film Festival have all been bashing it. If you’re a loyal reader, you know that I really don’t care about what they say. It just worries me since it’s what the majority of moviegoers will base their judgments on before even watching the movie. Knowing full well that humans tend to latch on to movies’ faults, you begin to see where the problem lies. Fools. It’s supposed to be his return to his “roots”, but I have a feeling that it’s going to be a lot different than what people are expecting. By “roots”, I mean bankable movies. And by “people”, I mean his fans...the rest of you are just animals.


...what you call discovery, i call the rape of the natural world

An Exercise in Detachment

As some people know, one of the classes I’m taking this semester is Intro to Creative Writing. It’s a class that meets just once a week, but it is terrific. So anyway, one of the assignments is that each week we must write a poem according to certain specifications. Then we make copies for everyone in the class, read them out loud, and share what we like about each other’s works. You’re actually very free to do whatever you like, the only thing that changes is the style of the poem. For example, the first week it was supposed to be about an obsession you have. Then the next week we had to write a list poem; which is exactly what it sounds like. One example we were shown was this poem where this guy just goes alphabetically naming different kinds of seashells…and that was it.

Anywho, one of the biggest problems I’ve always had whenever I write poems is that I have a very hard time reading it to people. Sooo, I thought I could try posting them here, and this suggestion has been met with encouragement. This way, everyone has the opportunity to see it at the same time and I am detaching myself from my work simultaneously. Good times all around. We’ve only done two poems so far in class so I guess I’ll post the first one here and now. Then I’ll put the second one on my next post just so I have something to write about later. Keep in mind that the rhyming scheme sounds right in my head when I read it with a certain rhythm, so if it doesn’t sound quite right when you read it…you’re just dumb.

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Peace Market
By: Munib Rezaie

Open up your eyes and look side to side
At our brothers and sisters keeping their minds closed out of pride
Prejudice will be accepted as society’s norm
Until one soul speaks up against majority’s swarm
And tries to get the people to see with the eyes of love
Instead of taking aim and shooting down the great white dove
When will the people see all the pain that they have caused?
While stepping on the souls of those whose path their lives have crossed
Now is the time to act, why does the wait get longer?
Mankind is one, and so is God, peace is not up for barter.
There is one race, the human race, the rest is only colors
As soon as we come to see this, there will be no more martyrs

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So yeah. Feel free to leave feedback. Actually I highly encourage you to leave honest and brutal feedback. Think of it as helping out an aspiring artist; cause that’s exactly what you’d be doing.



...it is the sworn duty of all officers to try to escape

Logically Speaking

So. As I write, I have no idea when my last update was, but it feels like it’s been an eternity. Ever since Katrina came over and tussled us about, our internet connection has never been the same. She messed up the wireless network that took me several days to figure out how to set up a few months ago. And as of right now, I have absolutely no idea how I even accomplished that. Point being: only one computer may be online at a time. But if someone needs the fax, like right now, internet access is denied to all inhabitants of my home. Improvisation. Adapt to the environment. That’s the key. As such, I now sit by my laptop typing up this entry in MSWord while I await the long overdue fax that is to come through within the next few hours. All the while, might I add, entirely unsure of what the topic of this entry will be. So I think I’ll just sit here and ponder for a bit.

For some reason that song by Audioslave just popped into my head, I think it’s called Doesn’t Remind Me. If you haven’t heard it yet, the whole song is basically this guy listing all kinds of stuff that he likes merely because it doesn’t remind him of anything. Stuff like gospel music and driving backwards in the fog. It’s a great song and it always reminds me of things. Bit I think his little list of things that don’t remind him of anything is questionable. So I tried to come up with a list of my own…and failed miserably. I mean it seems like a futile attempt to even undertake. All of the little things that he lists surely reminded him of something. Even if that something is nothing, it still is something: nothing. But that seems highly unlikely. Maybe the actual act of driving backwards in the fog doesn’t remind me of that night when I drove backwards in the fog, but it links up to other stuff. To stay with that same example: I like to drive backwards fast, I find it enjoyable. When people drive backwards fast and well, I find it very impressive. One such person who impressed me with his backwards-driving skills was my cousin James. I witnessed this event while I was visiting him and his family in Minnesota. Therefore, using the process of logic as set forth by the great ancient philosophers, one can surmise that driving backwards in the fog reminds me of my family in Minnesota and the great time I spent with them. It seems implausible to find something that doesn’t remind you of anything. The human brain innately tries to form connections between objects and memories it already has in storage. Isn’t that the whole basis of metaphors and analogies? I can point over there and say “What a pig!” and your mind will probably associate what I’m mentally pointing at with a disheveled and possibly malodorous person. But you’d be wrong, because I’m actually pointing at a large farm animal.

So for the past month or two I’ve been monitoring all of the search entries that have led people to my blog and I have to admit it’s quite humorous. What follows is a comprehensive list of all the entries submitted from the recent past:

- weather is depressing
- sweet irony mean
- things to do while waiting in line
- alex trebek is a vegetarian
- niblog
- waiting in line to see revenge of the sith
- sin city soundbytes
- coat over puddle
- Olde goode
- moonib blog
- chatting abbreviation
- nibster blog
- gun pointing toilet scene
- chatting acronyms
- free screen name kid give people screen names
- brazil chicken eating spider
- maryam rezaie
- what diet did brad pitt use for fight club

Quite the source of laughter if you ask me.

Also I’d like to take this opportunity to thank all the people who have been giving me words of encouragement in the recent journey I’ve embarked on towards becoming a writer. You know who you are. And though my immediate replies to your compliments might seem passive, please know that your words truly mean a lot. Something as simple as being told “that’s so you” is enjoyable beyond words.



... if it can be told, where did you take on this fine bundle of lettuce?

...And in the Red Corner: Mother Earth

So the news of the hurricane has been all over the news as of late. I myself wasn't sure how bad it was until i saw the images on TV earlier today. Having gotten hit with the storm when it was still just a category 1 hurricane, it didn't do quite nearly as much damage as what it's done so far in other parts of the country. But TV was one of the things it did take away, so I never saw the whole effect of the storm until recently. It really caught everyone by surprise down here in Miami though. The Thursday that it hit, I was on my way to meet up with a friend after convincing ourselves that "it's like a catagory 0.5, it's nothing". Then on my way it started to rain. First lightly. Then harder. And harder. So finally I called him up and said it's better to call it off. Then I get home and a few hours later electricity is gone, as are our cell phones' reception for some reason. We were one of the lucky ones since the lights came back on about a day and a half later. But as I type this, there are still many friends who have no electricity. The whole mess just goes to show how much you really cannot predict what our sweet sweet Mother Earth is planning to do. Dear Gaia has her own ways and no meteorologist will ever be able to predict her movements, no matter how much schooling he has completed.

Anywho, I was sitting around trying to come up with something to say about the whole thing and as I distracted myself, I came across what my cousin Jeff from Minnesota had to say about it in his blog. When I read it, I immediately acknowledged the fact that I could never say it better myself. Instead of trying to top it, I'm just going to copy and paste it over here:

--------------------------------------------

Usually this blog is a place of laughter. But my heart goes to my brothers and sisters (and their families around the world) suffering in New Orleans and along the Gulf Coast. I truly pray for their protection. Here is a passage relevant to this tragedy:

"Furthermore, these events have deeper reasons. Their object and purpose is to teach man certain lessons...The purpose is that the people of the world may turn to God, the One Protector; that human souls may rely upon His preservation and know that He is the real safety. These events happen in order that man's faith may be increased and strengthened. Therefore, although we feel sad and disheartened, we must supplicate God to turn our hearts to the Kingdom and pray...with faith in His infinite mercy. "

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Jeff Anderson, I salute you.


...i almost did succumb, but then i turbaned up, and i feel a lot better

The Great Puzzle

Man, feels like I haven’t updated this thing in eons. It’s funny how things turn out in life. When I first started this blog, I told myself that I’d only stick to commentaries on our society and movies instead of anything personal. But as always, Agent Smith was right, it truly is inevitable. If 10 years ago, no forget that, if even 10 months ago, some guy popped up outta nowhere and said:

“Hey you, no not you! Yeah you with the face, heed my warning! In 10 months time you will already have been diagnosed with a chronic illness, missed a major summer service project, returned home, started a blog, reconnected with your paternal cousins, and changed your major”

I would have no choice but to reply with a solemn:

“Where the crap did you come from?!”

Alas, that magical man was indeed correct. And it was exactly how things panned out. Pretty amazing, if you ask me. Years later they’ll tell me that man was in fact completely imaginary. Who cares though? It got my point across.

Anyway, I haven’t really felt inspired as of late to write about anything specifically. Especially since the change major took place, a lot of thoughts have been running through my head. Imagine if you will: a puzzle. A gargantuan puzzle, to be exact. Now imagine this puzzle missing that one crucial piece. That piece which, once in its rightful place, would make the puzzle in its entirety have a meaning. Now imagine finding that piece after 20 years. At first the excitement for this discovery is so grand that you’d probably be almost hesitant to attach it. You’ve been so used to seeing that puzzle without that piece that you’re a little scared of what might become of it with the Holy Grail which you hold in your hand. So you put it aside for a bit. Denying the fact that the piece you have found could possibly be the right one. Perhaps believing you are not ready for the social and cultural implications of a completed puzzle. The thought of it consumes every fiber of your being day in and day out as you try to decide what to do with the breakthrough find.

Sleepless nights go by until finally you get sick. So sick in fact that you’re sent away. Obviously, you know there has to be some Divine wisdom behind this move, so you meditate on it, hoping it will come to you. All the while, the chasm in the puzzle gets bigger and bigger as the little hope left for its completion seems to dwindle away. You try to ignore everything for a while hoping you’ll forget it in time. But then you come across it again…And then you see it. The epiphany strikes you like lightning aimed straight to the heart. You’re ready to finish the puzzle. It’s been so long since you worked at it that you have to pick up some of the pieces that fell off in your absence since all the little edges on it got a bit worn out. So you pick up the final piece, so triumphantly and proud, lifting it up high and hovering it over its destined spot. And so it comes down to this. The moment of truth. Do or die. All or nothing. Fight or flight. Paper of plastic. And so finally, you put it in place. Shoving it in with all your might since the attaching pieces around it have been worn off. And with this one quick motion, it is done. The masterpiece is complete. The picture makes sense.

So much of your time has been spent on this one thing in your life that you’re not really sure how to proceed. You cannot believe you did it by yourself – with a little guidance from friends of course – after all these years. But you have done so. And everything in it makes sense now, as do all the other pictures surrounding it. So you can’t help but just take a step back and appreciate how everything just came together for the first time.

If you can imagine that, you can imagine what I’ve sorta been feeling lately. And on a much happier note, I’d just like to congratulate some great friends of mine on their recent marriage. Congratulations Shirin and Vahid Smith. You guys are amazing…as was your wedding. Good times.

...i draws what i like, and i likes what i drew

On the Subject of Normalcy

What is it about being “normal” that everyone seems to crave? I for one have always been proud of being called “weird” and “strange” and usually reply with a solemn “thank you”. The way I’ve always understood it, the word “normal” just means the average. Am I wrong on this? In fact, I am going to double check with the good people at dictionary.com right now. Ah yes, here we go:

nor·mal (nôrml)
adj.

1. Conforming with, adhering to, or constituting a norm, standard, pattern, level, or type; typical.

How lame is that? Is that really what people want to be? Conformists? Followers of the crowd? Complacent zombies of the perceived norm? Isn’t that what the Nazis were? And I certainly don’t want to become a Nazi. But that’s just me. We should be embracing the little quirks that make each one of us unique in that special way Barney might talk about. Instead, they are seen as emblems of embarrassment and shame, forever molded into the foreheads of the oppressed. Rather than shaking hands at these differences, we are shaking fists. Using them as pedestals to rise above our brethren. My heart fills with sadness when I see kids being shut out and ignored by their peers because they are considered weird and/or strange. Cruelty, thy name is child!

This brings to mind a writing by Baha’u’llah that holds some sentimental value for me. And I quote:

“Know ye not why We created you all from the same dust? That no one should exalt himself over the other. Ponder at all times in your hearts how ye were created. Since We have created you all from one same substance it is incumbent on you to be even as one soul, to walk with the same feet, eat with the same mouth and dwell in the same land, that from your inmost being, by your deeds and actions, the signs of oneness and the essence of detachment may be made manifest.”

Man, that’s some incomprehensibly powerful stuff.

But yeah. Not everything that’s “normal” is necessarily good. And ultimately, the implications of being normal are pretty fleeting. What is normal today was not the norm 50 years ago. And in the same manner, will not be normal 50 years from now. Likewise, what may be the norm, might not necessarily be the most morally sound thing in the world. Some examples that immediately come to mind: drugs, pre-marital sex…I think that’s all I gots. But you get the point.

...you know, for kids

The Art of Sharing

So I’m finally back home after almost a month of constant travels between different cities and states visiting different family members and friends. Of all the trips though, I think I was able to grow the most from my sojourn in Minnesota. Not only was I able to reconnect with all my paternal cousins and get to know them better, but most surprising of all was how much I was able to learn about myself in the process. I managed to give myself a lot of time where I could just be alone in my thoughts with notebook and pen in hand. The whole trip was an incredibly satisfying experience, and I can only hope to have more of the same in the not so distant future.

One thing that seems to come up very often with me is the fact that I don’t and sometimes won’t talk about things unless specifically asked. Even if it’s something I’m totally ecstatic about. For example, right now there’s some news that I’m very happy about, but I absolutely do not feel the need to type it in this blog. But if you just ask me, I’ll gladly tell you anything. Well…just about anything. I always figured that if someone really wanted to know something, they’d just ask. I mean why wouldn’t they? That’s what questions are for. Well apparently most people don’t. For serious though, if I end up in a hospital am I really expected to call up everyone I know and just be all “oh by the way, I’m in the hospital, I guess I’ll talk to ya later, bye”? I’m not even being rhetorical here, I really want someone to answer that. There were so many people that got upset with me for not telling them I was in the hospital. I mean I appreciate the care, but I just think it would annoy them more. But that’s not even what I was first talking about. What I meant were deeper more personal things that constantly bite at your very being until you can’t take it anymore and explode, or in my case, end up in a hospital bed.

So I’ve been to a couple of doctors and they’ve all said I need to learn to verbalize what I feel more. Sounds easy enough. You think you know? You have no idea. Finally I decided to do this whole “sharing” thing more and more but it seems to be just as fruitless as keeping it inside. I mean yeah I’ve had some great conversations with some people, but most of the time, it just seems to make it worse and more uncomfortable. Should I try to vocalize all that I’ve said here right now, I know that I would fail miserably. Thusly, I truly believe there is an art in being able to confidently, tactfully, and eloquently verbalize what you are feeling inside. It is an art that escaped me long ago; which is why I have to resort to writing: the one medium which allowed me to find a voice more confident than any other I might attempt.

I’d like to know what any readers of this blog have to say about this subject. I mean is sharing only meant to be done with a select few? Is there any way to truly give it a universal definitin? Or is it just completely to one’s own discretion?



... I would've never guessed that true romance and Detroit would ever go together

Alex Trebek Is a Vegetarian

according to Statcounter, someone got to my blog by entering that phrase in yahoo's search engine. i felt like i had to share this because it is absolutely hilarious to me. That is all i have to say for now. Current trip and recent contemplations have left me in an almost never-ending state of pensive-ness. Expect a more thorough update soon.

Good Day.


...chewing gum is really gross; chewing gum I hate the most

Hi, My Name Is...

So I’ve been in Minnesota for about 5 days now and I must say it is something that I really needed. Taking a break from the monotonous days in Miami, having to feel absolutely no expectations from anybody, and not having anyone I know besides my extended family around is quite a great feeling. And of course getting to hang out with all me cousins who I don’t get to see as often as I’d like is always a blast. And then there’s Arman: the genius baby of my cousins James and Mahtab. With this new feature on the blogspot of uploading photos, I think I will be doing it more often. Sort of like a “picture of the day” sorta thing. We’ll see how that goes. I’m using my uncle’s computer right now so I’m probably gonna have to take one of his pictures. Ha, what an awesome kid. I mean just look at him.


Anywho, besides the frequent discussions on the mysteries of life and the lessons learned therein, my cousin brought up the subject of nicknames given me in the past. I think I overwhelmed him with the myriad of names I’ve been given throughout the 20 years of my life. So we both decided it should be posted on my blog for all to see. So go ahead and choose whichever one you prefer…cause I answer to all of them depending on who uses which. So here goes, numbered for ease of reading and in no particular order:

1. Mo
2. Mo-Mo
3. Moo
4. Moo-Moo
5. Moo-Man
6. Mooney
7. Moonibaby
8. Cow-Face
9. Mooooo…nib
10. Muniba
11. Moonbeam
12. Meat-Head
13. String bean
14. Bob
15. Twino
16. Mr. T
17. Nib
18. Nibs
19. Nib-Nib
20. Niblet
21. Nibbles
22. Nibbles and Bits
23. Nip-Nip
24. Binum
25. Momar
26. Spider-Man
27. Parker
28. Voozh Head
29. Little Drummer Boy
30. Mun to the ib
31. Mu to the nib
32. Munibian
33. Munibi
34. Munibo
35. Money
36. Monet
37. Muad-Ib (not sure how it’s spelled…that guy from Dune)
38. Monkey Boy
39. Moonster
40. Nibster
41. Munizzle

That’s all I can think of right now. Wow, I didn’t even realize there were so many. If anyone can think of any new ones, or any that I might have left out, feel free to leave comments. I’m always interested to hear of new nicknames. As soon as I feel like nobody can come up with something I haven’t heard before, I get something new. And the ones above are from people who can pronounce my name correctly. I’d have a whole other list of ways my name has been pronounced incorrectly. But I don’t think that would be as fun.


...who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men

Origin of a Screen Name

Anyone ever have those times when over the span of a few days you seem to get the same question asked by several different people? I actually seem to get it a lot. And this weeks subject has been the origin of my AIM screen name: AnHonestFool. Some people thought it was from Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, cause there’s this one part where Gandalf calls Pippin an honest fool. But I actually got it several months before that even came out.

So I figured I’d share where it came from right here and now because it’s from an awesome song that I have felt compelled to listen to repeatedly once again. It is by the very great band Live and the name of the song is "Like I Do" from the album Birds of Pray. Their lyrics are always amazing and so is his voice. So here are the lyrics to said song with some of the more repetitive parts taken out.

Live – Like I Do
Darling, I feel like a god when I am next to you
Something sacred, someone straight and true
Tell me, do you feel the same way too?

Darling, your face is radiant with the light of love
The kind that’s sent straight down from up above
And now you’re all I’m thinking of
Thinking of

Don’t you give me loving like a revelation
Don’t you make me burn and make me feel the danger
Salutations to the maker of my finest hour
Goddess, queen, mother, sister, lover
Don’t you ever leave

Darling, I feel like a god when I am next to you
Something worth the worship of this honest fool
Tell me do you feel the same way too?
Like I do?

Don’t you give me loving like a revelation
Don’t you make me burn and make me feel the danger
Salutations to the maker of my finest hour
Goddess, queen, mother, sister, lover
Don’t you ever
Don’t you give me loving like a revelation
Don’t you give me love
Don’t you feel the same way like I do?
Like I do
Like I do
Like I do

Man, I told you it was a great song.

...now that we know who you are, I know who I am. I'm not a mistake.

The Book of Munib: Chapter XXXVII - Revelations

So a friend of mine had this on her online journal and I don’t think I’ve ever actually completed one of these all the way. And since I really haven’t felt inspired enough to write anything original recently, I figured one of these things would work great even though it's painfully long. Plus, I’m bored.

SECTION 1 ABOUT YOURSELF
+ Known as: Spider-Man
+ Lives in: a state of confusion
+ School: University of Miami
+ Hair color: black
+ Eye color: black
+ Style: whatever’s comfortable that fits
+ Fears: giving in to temptation.

SECTION 2 HAVE YOU EVER...
+ Cheated on someone? nope...and i don't intend to.
+ Been Cheated on? no
+ Fallen off the bed? Many times. Once on a hardwood floor without even waking up
+ Broken someones heart? Maybe completely unintentionally, yes.
+ Had your heart broken? Yes.
+ Had a dream come true? I once dreamt I was Spider-Man. Then I woke up with Mary Jane by my side and ended up saving a buncha people that day with my web. All in a day's work.
+ Done something you regret? Plenty. But what's done is done.
+ Cheated on a test? I’d rather plead the fifth on this one.

SECTION 3 CURRENTLY...
+ Wearing? Clothes.
+ Listening to? Disturbed
+ Located? on a couch.
+ Chatting with? Tatiana Marie Alba-Machado
+ Watching? The Mummy Returns

SECTION 4 DO YOU...
+ Brush your teeth? I try my best to remember to do so.
+ Like anybody? I like everyone.
+ Have any piercings? Nope.
+ Drive? Total lifetime driving time equals about 3 hours. And I’m being very generous.
+ Drink? Never have and plan to keep it that way.
+ Smoke? Same as above.
+ Got a pager? Used to have one shared with my sisters back in 1994 or 95.

SECTION 5 FRiENDS...
+ Who is your best? I’m still trying to figure out the definition of that one.
+ Who do you hate? I really don’t like that word. But I can think of only one person who deserves that description. And he is most definitely not my friend.
+ Who is the shyest? I think me.
+ Who is the most talkative? Everyone.
+ Who laughs the most? I’m guessing anyone who gets hit with the Joker’s gas. ha.
+ Who have you known the longest? Natalia S.
+ Who have you known the shortest? The people I just met yesterday. Don’t even remember all of their names. I suck.
+ Who do you go to with personal problems? The one from whom I stole this survey.
+ Do you hang out with the opposite sex? yes.
+ Can you keep a secret? Yes. Keeping hundreds as I type.

SECTION 6 THE LAST PERSON YOU...
+ Hugged? Melanie M.
+ Kissed? My dog after I returned from a two-week trip.
+ IMed? No one today. Haven’t gone on messenger in a while.
+ Talked on the phone? Vahid S.
+ Yelled at? Can’t remember.

SECTION 7 PERSONAL...
+ What do you want to be when you grow up? Ophthalmologist…or maybe a writer and/or filmmaker.
+ What comes first in your life? I try my best to make it the Baha’i Faith.
+ Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush? Yes. I’ll let you try to guess which one.
+ What do you usually think about before you go to bed? What time I need to wake up the next morning.
+ Love your family? Hells yes.
+ Love your friends? Same as above.

SECTION 8 FAVORITE...
+ Movie: Too many. Check out my DVD collection for a few of them. But if I was forced to choose, I’d have to say Hero.
+ Song: too many. None of which include stuff by Linkin Park.
+ Group: Metallica.
+ Store: Best Buy.
+ Relative: I haven’t even met him yet, but I already love Arman to death.
+ Ice Cream Flavor: crunched oreos and vanilla ice cream on a waffle cone.
+ Fruit: Freddie Mercury.
+ Candy: do oreos count as candy? Cause I love ‘em.
+ Holiday: Ayyami-Ha
+ Day of the Week: depends on what is being done on that day.
+ Time of day: pizza time.
+ Color: red and black.
+ Name for a Girl: I think Zaynab is a good name. with a great history too.
+ Name for a Boy: I really like Vahid. Or maybe Jack.

SECTION 9 DO YOU...
+ Like to give hugs? Yes. But only if the receiving end feels the same.
+ Like to give kisses? Same as above.
+ Like to walk in the rain? Yes. But I prefer singin and dancing in it.
+ Prefer black or blue pens? Black.
+ Like to travel? YES.
+ Sleep on your side? Yes.
+ Have a goldfish? Nope.
+ Ever have the falling dream? Yes. But ironically never when actually falling off the bed.
+ Ever flown in your dream? Nope. But I’ve swung on webs that were shot out of my web cartridges.

SECTION 10 WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT...
+ Abortion: I don’t like the idea.
+ Eating Disorders: sad.
+ Suicide: even sadder.
+ Summer: lack of school. Always great.
+ Tattoos: looks good on some people in moderation. But I wouldn’t get one.
+ Piercings: they’re alright also in moderation. Only one I’ve ever considered was on me eyebrow. But then I turned 15.

SECTION 11 THIS OR THAT...
+ Pierced nose or tongue? Neither.
+ Single or taken? Currently? Single.
+ MTV or BET? MTV’s become crap. Don’t really watch BET so I don’t know.
+ 7th Heaven or Dawson's Creek? Can’t stand either of them.
+ Sugar or salt? SAAAAALLLTTT.
+ Silver or gold? I’d rather spend the money on DVDs.
+ Chocolate or flowers? Flowers. Unless the chocolate is from Brazil.
+ Color or Black-and-white photos? Depends on the subject.
+ Stay up late or sleep in? stay up late, for I am a creature of the night.
+ Hot or cold? Cold.
+ Sun or moon? Moon.
+ Left or Right? Hah, that reminds me of the Big Friendly Giant by Roald Dahl.
+ 10 Acquaintances or one best friend? Can’t I just have a buncha friends?
+ Mustard or ketchup? Salt.
+ Spring or Fall? Which one’s colder?
+ Happy or sad? Happy. That was a hard one.
+ Wonder or amazement? Wonder seems more mysterious. Which means you get to dig for the truth…which is always fun.
+ McDonald's or Burger King? Burger king.
+ Mexican or Italian food? italian.
+ Lights on or off? Off. Maybe some natural light.
+ Candy or soda? Can’t really have either right now. But 8 months ago I’d say soda without another thought.
+ Pepsi or Coke? Coke…but same as above.

EL FIN!


...we men are wretched things

Ye Olde Goode Timese

So I’m back in the beautiful city of Seattle, Washington after it suffered my absence for more than seven years. Though it may not be for the most pleasant of reasons, it’s still just great to see the extended family again. I have nothing but great and fun memories of this place shared with lots of cousins.It has really allowed me to appreciate more things in life. Whether I’m just walking and talking with my very awesomely talented actress of a cousin: Beibi or playing movie games with my very awesomely talented art prodigy of a cousin: Dhabih, one point becomes inevitably clear: Seattle weather still rules.

I mean seriously. In the off chance that I might actually decide to live in the US, I think I’ll be moving to Seattle. The other day I just went outside and started running for about an hour just because the weather was nice. So maybe the fact that there is no television where I’m staying had something to do with it too. But I like to think it was mainly for the weather. Now if we were to place the events of that day in relation to the rest of my life in a mathematical equation where:

x = the hour and a few minutes walked today
and
y = the sum total number of hours walked in the past 20 years of my life

we would get the following: x > y.

If the groundbreaking mathematical proof above does not convince you of the beauty that lies in the northwest, then I fear there is little hope for your retarded self.


...i won't kill you, but i don't have to save you

Comic Appeal

Recently, a fool that shall go unnamed has stated that comics are retarded and that he or she does not understand why it’s such a big deal. He or she even dared to say that comics are – and I quote – “lame as magazines”, saying that the limited appeal is the same. And the most amusing remark I’ve heard quite a few people use to put down comic books is that it’s just a dumb form of entertainment. How very wrong you all are. What IS a comic book really? And why the crap has it had such a bad rep for such a long time? Also, why are there so many freakin movies based on comic books recently? These are the questions I will try my best to answer and hope that my fellow comic enthusiasts from the Cornwell household can leave some feedback covering anything I might and will probably miss.

Comics, comics, comics. What is there to say about them? They’re awesome. That’s basically all there is to it. But seriously. What is a comic book? It’s pretty simple actually. A comic book is simply a medium used to tell a story. Same as novels, movies, songs, plays, and poems. That’s all they are. When a writer of any kind comes up with a story idea, the first thing that must be done is to decide what medium will take full advantage of the story. It just so happens that comic books and graphic novels are the best ones for stories that need to express a lot of imagery, symbolism, or graphical contrasts; which is what all of these stories are loaded with. And all of these mediums are entertainment, which is why that lame insult mentioned above is pointless. And what is entertainment? Nothing more than an escape from our reality into someone else’s, with hopes that you’ll come out of it having learned something new.

So why is it that comic books have had this stupid reputation of being just for kids and geeks and nerds? I honestly don’t know. Only reason I can think of is because people assume that comics only have to do with superheroes, and superheroes are just for kids. It’s pretty dumb actually. If you actually take the time, you’ll quickly find that stories in comics and graphic novels are as good, if not better than a lot of the novels that are on the bestseller list. There have actually been several of these comics that have been turned into full length prose novels. Batman’s No Man’s Land and Wolverine’s Weapon X are just 2 such stories. But then it makes me wonder. If the story of Harry Potter was kept EXACTLY the same, but released in the form of comics, would it have been as successful? Probably not, cause for some reason it’s seen as some lower art form. It would just be seen as some other comic book story Hollywood is trying to make money out of. But times they are a-changing, and the recent Hollywood explosion of comics has increased their readership, which is never a bad thing.

So why is it that there have been so many movies based on comic books as of late? And surprisingly a lot of them are very well done. Well there’s the obvious fact that it’s almost a guaranteed money-maker. And the fact that special effects are so accessible today really makes them a lot easier to make nowadays. But what I like to think is the biggest reason for this explosion is that the people who are making these movies today are the same people who actually grew up reading these comics. Which leads to these movies being made with the respect they deserve. Case in point: Sam Raimi, director of Spider-Man and Spider-Man 2. For his 6^th birthday, his parents got this artist to come into his arm and paint a picture of Spider-Man over his bed. He grew up, became a director, and eventually got to make Spider-Man, a character and universe he knew inside and out from having read all the comics as a kid. True, there’s been a couple of movies here and there that don’t quite live up to expectations, but even then, to me, it was just great to see them on the big screen.

...i'll tell you in another life, when we are both cats

Batman Truly Begins

So I was fortunate enough to attend the midnight screening of Batman Begins last night, and man what a truly awesome movie it is. If you like Batman, then you will like, if not LOVE this movie. And if you’re really cool, you might even catch the villain they show and say nothing about. But, if you don’t like Batman, then don’t ever speak to me again, cause obviously you suck and our friendship has no basis. I could not stop smiling as I watched before me the Batman I always imagined when I read the comics…especially his voice. That alone was worth the admission price for me. And MAN, helluva way to leave things open for a sequel. Everything about it was great, so it must be watched again and again and again. And then purchased on DVD. Although, I think a more adequate title would have been Batman Kicks Your Ass. Because that’s exactly what it does.

Anyway, what’s with some people’s constant need to cuss? When I was sitting in the theater waiting for the movie to start, that’s all I could hear around me. It really bothers me. And I don’t get it. Sure, I just said “ass” up there, but that’s not the kind of cussing I’m talking about. I’m basically talking about the f and s words. Words that, to me, are completely unnecessary in our language. I’ll admit that in movies, sometimes cussing can be very funny, like in Snatch for example. But seriously, is cussing really that crucial to communicating with each other? It seems like it’s more and more just a reason to fill in the blanks of a lacking vocabulary. Pretty freakin sad if you ask me. I think that’s all I have to say for now. Good day to all; and I hope you do yourselves a favor and go watch Batman Begins.

...if you were any thinner, you wouldn't exist

Whatever Happened to Chivalry

Rumor has it he’s already dead. But, last I heard he had to check himself into a clinic for the terminally ill. He is on the verge of death and trying hard to hold on to what little life he still has left. Maybe he’s just in a temporary coma.

By chivalry, I’m not just talking about the male’s role in it or the whole placing your coat over a puddle of mud for the lady to cross thing – though that would be very cool – no, I’m also speaking of people’s manners in general. It’s not easy to deny the fact that it has steadily worsened over the years amongst a large majority. Please understand I’m not saying I’ve got the perfectest manners or anything crazy like that. Alls I’m saying is that there has been more than one occasion where I do something that I consider to be common sense, only to cause a stir among my peers who seem to have a hard time believing my actions. This ranges from something as simple as holding the door for a stranger to my very strong and often contested belief against the imbibing of alcohol. And that saddens me greatly.

I remember this one time I was sitting in the cafeteria with several of my friends when I saw what looked like a receipt in the middle of the table. So I picked it up, perused it, tore it up, and threw it in the trash. Then when I returned they were all “What the hell?” And I was all “There was some guy’s credit card number on there.” And they were all “So why did you throw it away?” and I was all “why wouldn’t I throw it away?” Then I ripped out their hearts and weighed each one against a feather. Turns out they’re all going to hell.


...as long as i'm around you're only second best

Oh Sweet Irony

A great Canadian songwriter once said: “it’s like rain on your wedding day. A free ride when you’ve already paid. It’s the good advice, that you just didn’t take. ‘Who would’ve thought, it figures.” Keep in mind she is also god in the View Askewniverse, so her words hold a lot of weight.

At this specific time in my life, I find myself surrounded by ironies wherever I look. Ironies in things people say, ironies in people’s actions, and the biggest irony of them all: the things I must now do to remain healthy and medically stable.

I think humans are in their very nature ironic beings. Rarely ever truly saying what we mean and at the same time expecting everybody to understand what we are trying to say. What really bothers me is when I hear people get really bent out of shape over things that truly do not matter for no other reasons then to take the opportunity to make a point; that is also usually meaningless. A very basic and generalized example of what I’m trying to say would be the following: let’s say someone goes to the bathroom and forgets to flush the toilet. Then the next person goes in, sees the scene, flushes, does their thing, and comes out. Then they go to the poor bastard who forgot to flush the toilet and incessantly insist on wanting to know “why” they forgot to flush the toilet. I deem this to be something that really does not matter, and a friendly reminder to flush next time would suffice. And I believe the solution is simple: Tyler Durden. Everyone should be more like Tyler Durden, except for the whole thing about being a criminal mastermind using Fight Club as a cover for a violent vandalistic gang. He did not let the unimportant get to him the way most people do. Like that scene where he scared that guy to death by pointing a gun at him and demanding information from him. He knew the gun wasn’t loaded, but that didn’t matter, cause nobody else did. And that is why Tyler Durden is my role model. Also, I wouldn't mind looking like Brad Pitt...and neither would the ladies. ha.

Which finally brings me to, well…me. Having been diagnosed with Crohn’s disease would be the cause of the 180 I have taken in just about every aspect of my daily life. For starters, one of the most enjoyable things in my life – eating – has been given a major makeover. A diet that up until 6 months ago consisted mainly of bread, beef, salt, coke, and more beef, is now one that includes no bread, no beef, very little salt, and no coke. Instead I have been eating chicken, chicken, carrots, chicken, peas, water, and more chicken. All of which is bought at this organic foods store called Wild Oats; a place which until 6 months ago would be considered hell for me. A forsaken place for the few isolated crazies that actually enjoy the consumption of healthy foods. Actually that’s still how I see the place, but I don’t really have much of a choice.

But seriously, it truly is amazing what life has in store for each and every one of us. No matter how prepared you think you are, there will always be something that’ll catch you completely off guard and force you to change your ways. If you go through the whole ordeal at hand in a positive state of mind, I believe it is almost guaranteed that you will grow from it and truly be a better person because of it. I mean God won’t put you through anything that you can’t handle. Even if things turn out differently than you expected, it’s most likely the best way for things to go. I believe I’ve come out of most of the things thrown my way a better and more mature person…at least that’s what I like to think.

...she doesn't quite chop his head off; she makes a pez dispenser out of him

Waiting in Line

Humans are silly beings. Just watch any person and/or group of people close enough and it’s amazing how much is going on simultaneously. If we ever did get invaded by aliens, I think they’d just fail to comprehend human nature and our reactions and just leave frustrated.

Today I watched Star Wars – Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (awesome movie, by the way). It was to begin at 10:45 AM. My sister and I got there at about 9:00AM and were the first ones there. I got my sister to stand in front of the door to begin a line while I went a little off to the side where the guy said the actual line might start. By about 10:00AM there were already around 50 people lined up behind my sister; which I must admit I found a little amusing. I mean there were 3 other sets of doors to the theater, but everyone just automatically lined up behind my sister, who was standing in front of one of the many doors. But back to my story. So after I’m convinced there won’t be a line where I’m standing, I decide to join my sister. By now there are easily 60-70 people lined up in front of the door behind us. Then this guy comes up with his hair tied back, wearing these sleek sunglasses and this smooth jacket thinking he’s coolness incarnate along with his little posse. And he’s all “excuse me” as he goes in front of me to check on the doors of the theater to see if they’re locked. When he left, my sister and I, along with the couple behind us just started cracking up. It’s as if 70 people would be standing outside in the incredibly hot and humid weather by choice. Cause apparently he thinks none of us have checked the doors. sigh.

The worst part is that even though I’m making fun of this guy, I would probably do the same thing if I were in that situation. It reminded me of this comedy routine that I think Ellen DeGeneres had where she talks about people feeling the need to repeatedly push the elevator button as if it would speed things up. Everyone knows it won’t. Yet everybody does it anyway. Why is that? I guess it just keeps you busy while you wait. I do it all the time. But it’s just more enjoyable watching other people do it so I can make fun of them.

...my need to engage in homicidal behavior on a massive scale cannot be corrected

Something a Little Different

so i'm gonna try something a little different with this post. And all credit goes to my friend Adeeb, from whom i completely stole this idea. He had a pretty good response on his site so i thought i'd give it a try here, verbatim:

If you read this, even if i don't speak to you often, you must post a memory of me. It can be anything you want, it can be good or bad, just so long as it happened.

Go wild.


...lieutenant dan got me invested in some kind of fruit company

The People v. George Lucas

As I’m sure everybody knows by now, George Lucas has been getting a lot of crap from his so-called “fans” for the creation of Episodes I and II. I’m a big fan of the Star Wars franchise, and though I’ll say they weren’t exactly the best movies, I’ll still support Mr. Lucas because he’s had this clear vision of what he wants out of his hexology for like…40 years now I think. But the fans didn’t stop there…

A few months ago, Lucas released a special edition set of DVDs of the original trilogy with certain modifications in the film itself. For example, in that last scene of Return of the Jedi, they see the Force ghosts of Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Anakin. In the original cut, Anakin’s spirit was played by Sebastian Shaw, who was in fact the guy under Darth Vader’s mask in the same movie. However, with the new edition of the DVD, George Lucas replaces Shaw with the young Hayden Christensen, who has been playing Anakin in Episodes II and III. Here are some of the changes in the new DVDs with side-by-side comparisons. The one I’m speaking of is the very last one on that page.

Anyway, the point I’m trying to make here is that there have been A LOT of people who have been complaining about these changes claiming crazy things like George Lucas ruined their movie. Or just take the much easier way out and proclaim to the world the level of George Lucas’s stupidity. I think that’s all a load of crap. Star Wars is Lucas’s brain child, his baby. He’s a filmmaker, it’s his art. Just as a painter will keep making changes to his work until he is satisfied with the finished product, George Lucas will continue to do the same until he feels that he has accomplished what he set out to complete 30 years ago. The man had this specific idea for the entire saga since the beginning. He knew he wouldn’t be able to make Episodes I, II, and III the way he wanted to back in the 70s, so he did the other three first and waited for the right time when technology could handle his vision to complete the first three. And now that he has the capability to go back and change even the original trilogy, he’s jumped right on that opportunity to complete them the way he always intended to. So the only complaint that I guess is somewhat reasonable would be those people who watched the original in the theaters in the 70s and want to watch the movie they remember seeing back in the day when life was simpler. But even then, it’s not like he made some insane change to the story. But I do believe he should make that version available for purchase so people can have the option. If anything, I think that makes him a genius; both as a filmmaker for being able to practice such extreme forethought, and as a businessman since there are now endless versions of DVDs that he can release which the public would consume like animals, myself included.

The defense rests, your honor.

...hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for SEGA

Exercising Bragging Rights and Eating Cookies

I’d like to take this time and thank my cousin Dayyan Eng for the bragging rights his career has given me, of which I shall fully exercise in the beginning of this post. He is a filmmaker in China whose amazing short film, Bus 44 (which can be admired here) has won awards at Sundance, Cannes, and the Venice Film Festival just to name a few. His first feature length film, Waiting Alone, just got distribution for a China release around August I believe. So if and when it comes over to the US, make sure to stop by your local theater and watch it. You won’t be disappointed. Specially since I make a special guest appearance. Ha.

But seriously…

Has everyone heard of that ridiculous new thing Sesame Street is doing to Cookie Monster? Basically, denying his one source power and his entire reason to live. It would be like telling Linkin Park to come up with something original, they would all just go “does not compute” and spontaneously combust. I mean how could they take away cookies from the COOKIE Monster. Man, I was watching Sesame Street a few months ago and his addiction to cookies still gave me the biggest laughs.

Alas, such is the way of the ever-changing world. Parents’ increasing over-protectivity of their children today is seriously sickening. I was watching the ever-informative Daily Show the other day and their guest was discussing this very topic. She was saying how there are elementary schools where they have virtually done away with kids playing tag during recess and instead substituted it with something called the “friends circle” – or something ridiculous to that effect – where kids get to take turns sharing their feelings. Unbelievable. And then there’s all these other people who don’t even let their kids roll around in the dirt like kids tend to naturally do for what to me really is no good excuse at all. They seem to forget that exposing them to all these things at a young age will actually develop the immunities necessary to fight them at a later time when it becomes necessary. Sigh, I just don’t get people sometimes. As Harvey Pekar so eloquently put it “life is pretty complex stuff”. I know imma be throwing my kids out of the house and into the sandbox and make sure they’re well exposed and comfortable with nature and all the beauty it has to offer. And when they get old enough, they can stay home all day with their dad watching HVGs; that’s Holographic Video Goggles for those who are time travel impaired.



...how am i supposed to heal, if i can't feel time

“I’ll Take ‘The State of Humanity’ for 500, Alex”

Alex Trebek: “The answer is: the institution lowering expectations for humanity”
Sean Connery: “What is Your Mother”
Alex: “no that is incorrect”
Me: “what is the ratings-hungry media”
Alex: “correct response for 500, back to you”

sigh.

It’s so sad to see how much sensationalism is accepted and even promoted in the media today. For quite some time now I just refuse to watch the local news, much less the 24 hour news networks like CNN. What truly saddens me is the fact that all they seem to televise are human beings at their worst. When was the last time you heard of a breakthrough in science. Or stories of the crazy amounts of selfless service being done all across the world. Chances are incredibly slim those will ever make headlines or Top Stories because they don’t sell. Not like drugs, sex, rape, crimes, murders, or diets do. And it just keeps getting worse and worse as time goes by. They try to feed you with heavy loads of information. Like those crazy tickers that scroll by on the bottom of the screen giving you all this other news while the people on the bigger square talk forever about something else. And all they really have is like 20 minutes of news that they keep looping over and over again. It’s like we’re sinking further and further into the Rabbit hole…of DOOM. But seriously, i don't even watch the news anymore. All the information about the world that i obtain come from the genius minds of Jon Stewart, Conan O'Brien, and the people at SNL who tell it like it really is.

There's another insane craze I just can’t grasp: diets. More specifically, people’s unhealthy obsession with them and all the different packaging they come in. You got Atkin’s, low carb, high carb, all-liquid, no liquid, south beach, all juice, low residue, high residue, vegetarian, protein, seafood, and let’s not forget all those magic pills that supposedly allow you to fit completely into one of your pant legs within 2 weeks. And of course, all the celebrity endorsements that go along with each and every one of those. What the general public can’t seem to understand is the importance of exercise that MUST go along with any diet you choose to go on. It’s always in the extremely fine print of every diet ad. Maybe that’s why. It really saddens me to see people who are not happy or comfortable with how they look. The saddest part is that most of these people look just fine and healthy. BUT, obviously health comes second to “beauty” to many people. What IS “beauty” anyway? It truly is in the eye of the beholder. And I think the only beholder whose opinion anyone should care about is God…and I don’t think He cares much for things of the physical world. Do what you will with that. Those are my two cents.

...i think we should skip the whole courtship thing and just get married

Ab. Fab. - Abbreviation Fabrication

Has anyone else noticed an influx in abbreviations and acronyms making their rounds? Specially within the world of internet chatting. As if instant messaging wasn’t instant enough, people seem to feel the need to abbreviate everything they say and create new acronyms out of the blue at their leisure. What’s the rush people?! Aside from the fact that it’s completely unnecessary in daily conversations, it’s destroying people’s skills in English grammar and semantics.

The other day I had someone use “IMO” while we were chatting. It was a strange sight I had never seen before. Upon further inquiry, I discovered it stands for “in my opinion”. To which I replied, “IMOITIPAHYKUATIHTAYTSOA”. In case you’re not abbreviation savvy, that stands for “In My Opinion I Think It’s Pretty Annoying How You Keep Using Acronyms That I’ll Have To Ask You To Spell Out Anyway.” sigh. I take a certain amount of pride in the fact that I have never once used “lol” whilst chatting. The only abbreviation I do use is “brb” and that’s only because I tend to use it for bathroom breaks, and when I really gotta go, there’s no time to lose.

I think it all comes back to something I briefly touched upon on a past post. Society is like the White Rabbit: always in a rush to get somewhere, yet never quite able to get there. And it’s not just the abbreviations. Something else that I’ve always just laughed at are people at the front of red lights who keep inching closer and closer, as if by gaining 3 inches on everyone behind them, they’ll be able to get to their destination that much faster. The way I see it is if you’re late, then you’re late. Deal with it, cause if you get there 3 inches sooner, you’re still late…minus 3 inches. Life is short people, make the best of it. All of which bring to mind something The Merovingian once said: “if we never make time, how can we ever have time?”

...before my time is done, i will look down on your corpse and smile

Marketing Campaigns

Marketing campaigns are fascinating. Doesn’t matter what the product is. It’s incredible how effective or ineffective they can be. I’d love to sit in on one of those meetings where some huge company just came up with some brand new product it thinks no other company will ever be able to copy like a bread slicer as they try to come up with ways to package it for their presumably unsuspecting and complacent consumer. I bet it would go something like this:

- So we’ve got a bread slicer.
- Yessir, a bread slicer is what we have.
- What kind of adjectives can we place in front of it to make it sound unique?
- How about, “The Amazing Bread Slicer”
- Hmm…that’s a start, but something’s missing.
- I’ve got it! Let’s just say it’s new and improved.
- Improved from what? This is our first one.
- Well…improved from the original prototype.
- …I’m sold. But I still want more.
- I know! “The New and Improved Amazing Bread Slicer Deluxe”
- Eureka! Remind me to give you a raise. Now get a celebrity to add their name to the product and we’re guaranteed to make millions! Millions!!!!!

End scene.
It’s ridiculous. But I’ll admit I fall for celebrity endorsements too. Most recent of which was the Antonio Banderas Cologne. I’m really not picky about colognes. But Antonio Banderas is awesome. Therefore, so must be his cologne. And I gotta say, it DOES smell pretty fargin good.

But what really can be fun to follow are the way movies are packaged and sold to the audience. The marketing campaign they decide to go with can have a HUGE impact on how well the movie does. One great example is the 1994 Danny DeVito movie Renaissance Man. After failing to bring in audiences as a comedy under the original title "Renaissance Man", the movie was re-released a couple months later marketed as a drama with the alternate title "By the Book", and made much less money the second time around. Isn’t that crazy? I submit that it is.

Anyway, I got to thinking about all this the other day after watching Spanglish. It really turned out to be a completely different movie than what I was expecting from the way they had the previews put together. I mean it was still a great movie, just not exactly what I expected to see when I sat down to watch it. Anybody else feel that way about the movie?

...you are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world