Rant: Movie Critics

You know what I can’t stand? Movie critics. I guess you can say everyone’s a critic, but I’m talking about the guys like Ebert and Roeper who have their own tv shows or magazine articles and get paid to talk about, and frequently spoil, movies. It’s not even the talking about movies bit that I have a problem with. If I was paid to go on TV and talk about movies, I’d jump right on that opportunity. What I DO get frustrated with is the fact that so many people place so much weight and importance on what these critics have to say. I mean I guess it’s more understandable if you can find that ONE critic who happens to consistently have the same opinions as you do about movies; but how likely is that? It’s like people don’t get the fact that the marketing folks will always use whoever gives their movie the best reviews. Which is why every preview for every movie that you see is called “the best ::insert genre of movie:: of the year”. There is ALWAYS going to be someone who really enjoys it. Speaking of previews, I always have to laugh when I see them just take fragments of reviews from different people and put them together with quotation marks and ellipses to separate their sources. It would go something like this:

“John Travolta is…” “…at his best…” “…in this…” “…movie!”

Personally, I don’t like to read reviews. When I do, it’s of movies I’ve already seen or of ones I know I’m not going to see. When I’m talking to someone about a movie, and I go “Oh, I really wanna see that”, I almost always get a “oh, I heard it was really dumb” or a “oh the critics hated it”, or a “everyone said it was a stupid ending, so I’m not gonna bother with it”, or the response that’s always guaranteed: “Munib, you’re hot”. And on the other hand, if I say that I don’t want to see a movie, I always get a “why not? Everyone said it’s really good”, or “what? I loved it! go watch it now or you just suck!” or again: “Munib, you’re still hot”. What people don’t seem to understand is that I’ve already made up my mind on what movies I will and will not see usually months before they’re even released based on what I’ve read about them, the people behind it, and many other factors. And so far, I’ve been pretty freakin accurate, so this system will stay with me until proven ineffective more than thrice.

One classic example that I just have to share because of a certain reader of this blog (Mahtab) is Queen of the Damned. I was so excited about this movie because it was based on one of my favorite books. As I followed the news and updates on the shooting and status of the movie, things went from bad to worse.

First sign of impending crappyness: delay in release

Second sign of impending crappyness: possible straight-to-video release instead of theatrical. That pretty much killed it for me. Knowing that it was a possibility meant that even the people that were making it knew that they didn’t have much. But I still had hope, because it was based on an Anne Rice novel.

Third, and final, sign of impending crappyness: pictures of the cast, in costume.

The only hope it had was the fact that Jonathan Davis of Korn was in charge of the music…which turned out to be the only reason why I did not walk out of the theater. That and the fact that my uncle treated me to it and it would just be rude if I did.

...it's true, you are a good woman. then again you may be the antichrist

AFTER-THE-FACT-UPDATE: Happy Birthday Mahtab! i went by your blog after I updated. So I apologize if the above offended you in any way. But only for today.