Vegetables Are Boring

How can there be so many people out there who love them so much? Up until a few months ago, a general rule of thumb I lived by was that if it’s green, it’s not comin in. I’m actually very surprised I was able to pull this off for as long as I did. I always figured it would culminate in this ridiculously premature heart attack at the age of 23 that would knock some sense into me to finally start eating right. So this alternate path things have been taking so far is not bad at all.

But back to my point. The other day I went to a restaurant and ordered the grilled chicken with steamed vegetables. You have to understand, just writing that sentence has caused me to pause and re-read it in disbelief: Chicken. Vegetables. I ordered. Anyway, the plate arrives and I honestly have no idea how I’m supposed to eat these green foodstuffs that are just laying there next to my chicken. Do I need to cut them? Is there a special fork? Which part do I eat? Is the leaf edible? I don’t even know what they’re called. So after getting a crash course on the proper vegetable consumption technique, I ask the papa what the heck is that I’m eating. He says that I just ate spinach. Naturally, Popeye comes to mind for one very nostalgic moment. And then there was this other thing. I’m still not sure what it’s called. I wanna say broccoli…or maybe cauliflower? It was green…and bushy. And really pretty friggin mundane. How do vegetarians survive?! And vegans!! It boggles my mind! I mean once the whole New World Order thing is established and everyone eats vegetables like we’re supposed to, then I’ll be all for it. But until then, cows will continue to be my favorite source of food.


...you got the cadillac of minivans

Mutiny on the Booty

Hah. Get it?

So my intestines finally decided to act on the attack they had apparently been planning for over a month. Their leader is my ileum, whom I have decided to call Marla. If you get that movie reference, go bake yourself a cookie. So anyway, Marla managed to get together with her pals “DD” the Duodenum and “JJ” the Jejunum to attack me once again. After a week in the hospital, I have finally managed to get DD and JJ back on my side of the fence. A task that required a series of confrontations involving naso-gastral vacuums, and more than one enema. We were hopeful that these very same procedures would return Marla completely to our side; but in this, we were not completely successful. We simply managed to keep her dormant…almost like in a Neo-stuck-in-the-train-station sorta way. And if all goes well, unlike Neo, she’ll never get out of Mobil Ave.

And so I’d like to give my thanks all the peoples who kept me company both by phone, and in person. And of course to all of youse who kept me in your prayers. Thank you.

Final thought of the day: it’s amazing how much you can appreciate and enjoy swallowing your own saliva with no pain after having had a tube stuck up your nose and down into your stomach for over 60 hours. Life…gotta love it. I know I do.

...you are not a beautiful and unique snowflake

First Impressions

I think it’s incredible how much of an effect first impressions can have on the way you see things in the future. No matter how different the situation is at a later time, that first impression will always be gnawing at you in the back of your mind. As of right now, my first impression of New York is not so hot. And I really don’t see myself ever staying there for an extended period of time. Except maybe for the very awesome independent film scene they got going there with all the theaters and stuff. I mean the place was exactly like Hong Kong, except more spread out and a lot more frustrating to get around. Sigh. Now New Jersey, that’s a different story. Like I predicted, the place looked pretty cool. And I think I’d move to Red Bank just for the Secret Stash and the Kevin Smith landmarks that surround it. But on to more pressing matters…

I have to comment some more on music because of the rebuttal left by my beloved cousin Mahtab. I will admit, you made some good points about how great Linkin Park’s members are and how they have stable marriages and donate to tsunami relief and all that jazz. All of which are very important, but that doesn’t necessarily mean their music is any good. And when speaking of Linkin Park, it is positively clear that a stable life and marriage does not make them good musicians. But I’ll lay off of Linkin Park…for now.

...there is no spoon

Over the river and through the woods...

...to New York City we go. so in about 2 hours, i'll be heading off to the airport to go to New York for the weekend. I've never been there before, except for the airport itself once or twice maybe. i'm not really much of a "go out and do stuff" kinda person. if given a choice of activities, i will almost always choose to stay home if going to a pool hall is not one of said choices.

but now i'm off to New York City. i keep being asked what i wanna do there, and i just really don't know. what is there to do in New York City that i'd actually WANT to do but can't do right here in Miami? well except for Broadway and all the Off Broadway shows that i'd love to just spend day after day watching...but i believe that requires a steady flow of cash. of which i currently have none. i don't even have a leak of cash. the only thing i really want to do there that i can't do here is go to Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash; which isn't even in New York. it's in Jersey.

i think i'd like New Jersey. Kevin Smith made some great movies there. Garden State was great too. and movies never lie.


...let all under heaven guide your decision

Music Just Ain't What It Used to Be

I love music. But lately, it’s let me down. And by lately, I mean in the past few years. Music just seems to be getting crappier and crappier as time goes by. This is one area in the entertainment industry where technology seems to be doing more harm than improvements. What I mean is simply that it has become way too easy for people to make their voices sound better than it really is by putting them through all kinds of processors. The saddest part is that it’ll actually sell millions if the people have the right marketing guys behind them.

But the point is, the quality of musicians that are getting famous has been steadily declining. And it’s really annoying. Especially since most of these guys don’t even write their own music. I wish I was around during the Great Jazz Age and been there to see Louis Armstrong pick up his trumpet and completely awe the audience for the first time. Miles Davis, Charlie Parker, Dave Brubeck, Gene Krupa, Buddy Rich, Tholonius Monk, Benny Goodman, Ella Fitzgerald, Scott Joplin, The Rat Pack – the list is endless – THEY were real musicians. People who would get in a recording studio and get everything down perfectly on the first take. Time was kept accurately with no synthesized cow bells to keep the tempo for them. They’d improvise the most amazing solos that would be so musically logical that it would just boggle the minds of the craptacular bands of today like Linkin Park and Good Charlotte who have no idea what they’re doing.

I hope I’ll be able to find more musicians like the time of old. I’m sure there’s already a lot of them out there, but unfortunately they’re probably not “mainstream” enough to be able to sell over a million copies for a record company. Everything is so fast paced nowadays, like everyone’s in a rush to get to somewhere else, so they don’t have enough time to come up with more than 2 ½ minutes worth of music...if you can even call it that. And then you’ve got artists releasing like 2 albums in the same year, or a remix of their first album while they make a second album just cause fame comes and goes so fast that they’re trying to hold on to their little fan base for juuuuust a little while longer. I believe the real test of fame comes with longevity. And I also believe, that in 5-10 years (or less) no one will remember who Linkin Park was. But, they’re making money, so good for them.

Most of the above applies to actors too…so expect some more on that soon.

...i cannot believe you're not retarded!

Rant: Movie Critics

You know what I can’t stand? Movie critics. I guess you can say everyone’s a critic, but I’m talking about the guys like Ebert and Roeper who have their own tv shows or magazine articles and get paid to talk about, and frequently spoil, movies. It’s not even the talking about movies bit that I have a problem with. If I was paid to go on TV and talk about movies, I’d jump right on that opportunity. What I DO get frustrated with is the fact that so many people place so much weight and importance on what these critics have to say. I mean I guess it’s more understandable if you can find that ONE critic who happens to consistently have the same opinions as you do about movies; but how likely is that? It’s like people don’t get the fact that the marketing folks will always use whoever gives their movie the best reviews. Which is why every preview for every movie that you see is called “the best ::insert genre of movie:: of the year”. There is ALWAYS going to be someone who really enjoys it. Speaking of previews, I always have to laugh when I see them just take fragments of reviews from different people and put them together with quotation marks and ellipses to separate their sources. It would go something like this:

“John Travolta is…” “…at his best…” “…in this…” “…movie!”

Personally, I don’t like to read reviews. When I do, it’s of movies I’ve already seen or of ones I know I’m not going to see. When I’m talking to someone about a movie, and I go “Oh, I really wanna see that”, I almost always get a “oh, I heard it was really dumb” or a “oh the critics hated it”, or a “everyone said it was a stupid ending, so I’m not gonna bother with it”, or the response that’s always guaranteed: “Munib, you’re hot”. And on the other hand, if I say that I don’t want to see a movie, I always get a “why not? Everyone said it’s really good”, or “what? I loved it! go watch it now or you just suck!” or again: “Munib, you’re still hot”. What people don’t seem to understand is that I’ve already made up my mind on what movies I will and will not see usually months before they’re even released based on what I’ve read about them, the people behind it, and many other factors. And so far, I’ve been pretty freakin accurate, so this system will stay with me until proven ineffective more than thrice.

One classic example that I just have to share because of a certain reader of this blog (Mahtab) is Queen of the Damned. I was so excited about this movie because it was based on one of my favorite books. As I followed the news and updates on the shooting and status of the movie, things went from bad to worse.

First sign of impending crappyness: delay in release

Second sign of impending crappyness: possible straight-to-video release instead of theatrical. That pretty much killed it for me. Knowing that it was a possibility meant that even the people that were making it knew that they didn’t have much. But I still had hope, because it was based on an Anne Rice novel.

Third, and final, sign of impending crappyness: pictures of the cast, in costume.

The only hope it had was the fact that Jonathan Davis of Korn was in charge of the music…which turned out to be the only reason why I did not walk out of the theater. That and the fact that my uncle treated me to it and it would just be rude if I did.

...it's true, you are a good woman. then again you may be the antichrist

AFTER-THE-FACT-UPDATE: Happy Birthday Mahtab! i went by your blog after I updated. So I apologize if the above offended you in any way. But only for today.

Rave: Robert Rodriguez

Robert Rodriguez is a genius. For those who don't know who he is, he is the mastermind responsible for films like El Mariachi, Desperado, Spy Kids, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, one of the segments in Four Rooms, and the soon-to-be-released Sin City. i say mastermind because this guy does EVERYTHING in his movies. He writes them, directs them, produces them, edits them, shoots them, composes the score, and even does the special effects for them in his own garage! He also convinced his good friend Quentin Tarantino to let him write original music for Kill Bill: Vol 2 for only a dollar. In return, Tarantino is directing a scene in Sin City for the same price.

speaking of Sin City...if you haven't seen the trailer for this movie, do yourself a favor and go watch it. There is no way that this movie going to suck. EVERYBODY's in it! It's pretty much the first movie that's a literal panel-by-panel recreation of the comics. it's got this awesome artistic style where it's all black and white except for spurts of bright colors here and there. if you watch the trailer you'll see what i mean. It's based on a series of graphic novels by Frank Miller, who is also co-directing. Which is where one more example of how genius Rodriguez is comes in. As a member of the Director's Guild of America, you're not allowed to have more than one credited director in a movie. He had this other movie, The Princess of Mars, that he was gonna make over at Paramount after Sin City, but they said he couldn't if he was sharing the director's credit with someone on Sin City, cause it would go against the DGA. BUT the guy chose to just leave the DGA and not make that movie rather than not give credit to Frank Miller, whom he definitely wanted on as a director, since it was in fact, HIS work that was being adapted.

and THAT, my friends, is why Robert Rodriguez is amazing. even if you don't like his movies, you just gotta admire his many talents.

...i killed a man with a trident

Rant: The Academy Awards

I feel like ranting a bit about the academy awards and how stupid they've been lately. it really bothered me that Johnny Depp got nominated last year for Pirates of the Carribbean. i mean, the movie was PRETTY good, but i really didn't think it was as amazing as everyone said it was. he did an awesome job in it, but i just dont think it should have been the movie he got his first nomination with. i mean the guy is one of the few actors who actually stayed away from mainstream hollywood blockbusters for the longest time doing all these awesome movies with the performancec of a lifetime in each and everyone of them and gets no nods. BUT then he goes and makes his first summer blockbuster and gets a nomination. what the crap? had they not seen Ed Wood? or What's Eating Gilbert Grape? or Edward Scissorhands? Nick of Time? Blow? sigh. either way, it's great that he's finally getting the recognition and respect he deserves from the masses and i hope he wins an oscar sometime soon.

speaking of people not getting oscars? where's martin scorcese's? the guy's probably gonna end up getting an honorary oscar for lifetime achievement in filmmaking before he even gets his own oscar for directing. except for gangs of new york, he has an insanely awesome resume of movies. classic cinematic features that have shaped movies and pop culture as a whole. Taxi Driver and Goodfellas are the two obvious one that come to mind. anywho, i think thats all the ranting for now.



...save your breath for cooling your porridge

First Post

so this is my first post on a blog. i have noticed many people got blogs, so i figured, why not join the crowd and be a completely complacent follower? and so here i am. i'm not really sure what will be discussed but the following list is pretty much guaranteed, in no particular order:

• Movies
• Comics
• Music
• Games

i think that's it. i mean those things pretty much sum up my daily life so you'll be hearing a lot about it. and so i sign off my first blog. adieu.

...you know what they call a quarter pounder with cheese in paris?